Dear GTN,
It is PMS week for me. You know, for example, normally if I see a mouse in a trap, I don’t give a fuck, right? It’s a mouse. It can carry disease and fuck up the walls of your home as it chews through shit, you with me? Yesterday, PMS week, the mouse is in the trap and it wiggles! I am heartbroken, want to rush the fucking thing up the street to the clinic and pay to have it worked on….
Here is my question…. any good meds for this time of the month? I am not on the pill. (can’t take it after having children) makes me dry as the Sahara and girl I like my sex! Second, Midol Schmidol…my hormones beat the fuck out of Midol. Midol is like…damn this bitch is insane! I’m not a big fan of pills anyways. We will see what you come up with… I trust you!
Bloated & Bitchy
Dear I Would Like a Restraining Order from this Reader at Least Once Per Month Please,
Police protection aside, I say PMS is not a curse it is a blessing… Go with me on this one.
I believe PMS was sent to women as an outlet for our usual repressed animalistic nature. Normally women are told to be good girls, be nice, be polite, and don’t rock the boat. But, once a month everyone knows, accepts and allows women around the globe to unleash the hormonal, raging, powder keg that lurks just the bellow the surface of every female of childbearing age. Shake up the cruise ship of life like the massive iceberg of bloating water that you feel like!
If you feel the need to rescue the filthy, flea infested, dying rodent in the trap, call 911. You pay taxes. Use those services, you’re cramping. Why should you get off the couch!?!
There are many holistic remedies which work well to help quell the tidal wave of crashing menstrual hormones. I myself have made several herbal teas with combinations of dried chamomile flowers, poppy flowers and a myriad of other things that I have found in natural remedies books. It takes a bit of research and dealing with some weird people with tin foil on their heads running the local Apothecary but it might be worth it to you to check out.
PMS, besides being a blessing to women, can also be a test of a man’s true masculinity. Guys, if you really want to know how tough you are, try taking a piece of chocolate cake from a PMSing female. If you make it out alive you are Krull the Concurrer and will surely bear the battle scares for life to prove your bravery.
Speaking to the sex aspect of your PMS issue… Just before the actually red river flows, and for many during the bloody waterfall, a woman is at her horniest. PMS is often a sign of a woman’s fertile time of the month. This is a time that biologically your body says, “Hey, its time to breed and I want some NOW!”
Studies have actually shown that during this time of the month women actually prefer a more masculine male partner. This is when a women’s body directs her to good, strong healthy genes with a desire to fuck like an animal. So men, do not shy away from the site of a dangling cotton string. Dive in there without a life preserver and enjoy. If you’re just meeting the woman, don’t forget your raincoat. Side note: Blood is a natural lubricant.
Ladies, embraces you bitchiness. Revel in your mood swings. Bask in your granny panties. You are woman hear you roar, whine, bitchy, cry…
And if all else fails, smoke a joint and invest in Sara Lee.
Send me YOUR questions at: thegotonegro@yahoo.com
Leave a comment…Any comment… I wanto to hear what YOU think.
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